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20 Rules of Halloween
1. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
2. Never read a book of Demon Summoning aloud, even as a joke.
3. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.
4. If children speak to you in Latin or any other language, which they should not know, shoot them immediately. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to kids whose eyes glow and speak with somebody else's voice.
5. When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go alone.
6. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
7. Never stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would apply to any other house of the dead as well.
8. If you're searching for something that caused a loud noise and find out that it's just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT!
9. If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short circuits; just get out!
10. Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.
11. If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good reason for it. Don't stop and look around.
12. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you're doing.
13. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
14. If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and so on, kill them immediately.
15. Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine.
16. If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help. If you think that it is strange you ran out of gas because you thought you had most of a tank, shoot yourself instead. You are going to die anyway, and most likely be eaten.
17. Beware of strangers bearing strange tools. For example: chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches, soldering irons, band saws, or any devices made from deceased companions. (or chipper/shredders, remember Fargo).
18. If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, now is the time to move in with the in-laws. This also applies to houses that had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house.
19. If your parents move you to a town where you find out the high school gym burnt down during Prom night, or hear that a maniac gets loose from a sanitarium every Halloween,then it's time to run away!
20. When trick-or-treating and you come to a house made of gingerbread and gum drops...RUN!! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!!
Happy Halloween!
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TO ALL THE KIDS WHO WERE BORN IN THE
1930's 40's, 50's, and 60's!!
First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they carried us.
They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for diabetes.
Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking.
As children, we would ride in cars with no seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't overweight because...... WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on. No one was able to reach us all day. And we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat rooms..........WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!
We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.
We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.
We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them!
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!
This generation has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned
HOW TO
DEAL WITH IT ALL!
And YOU are one of them!
CONGRATULATIONS!
You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated our lives for our own good.
And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave their parents were.
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!
PS -The big type is because your eyes are shot at your age.
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When in need of an attitude adjustment, what can be better than water, dolphins and beautiful sunsets? Hubby and I decided we needed to get away for a few days. And by my last entry I think you would agree. It just seemed to be perfect timing so at the last minute we decided to go to South Padre, TX. You know, the place where all the college kids go for spring break. I think the hubby was hoping to see some thong bikinis but he's not admitting it. LOL! Anyway, we spent a few days there to just get away and relax. We saw beautiful sunsets, went dolphin hunting [watching is what they called it, but we actually had to hunt for them] and then just tried all the different seafood cuisines available, don't you know. We both wanted to stay there longer but we had a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert to go to and had to get home in time for that. So now I need a vacation from the vaction. I always wondered why my dad said that when I was growing up. Believe me....now I KNOW! Man am I exhausted. Anyway here are a few pics I took. Maybe you will enjoy them. The first one is from the Dolphin watch cruise we took. I never really thought about how hard it is to catch moving objects with a digital camera. Good thing I took a disposable camera. Problem is I haven't gotten it developed yet. Every time I tried to get a picture of these dolphins when they came up they would be back under before the camera ever clicked. Go figure. However, I did manage to get one with a few dolphins swimming in the wake of a shrimp boat. Seems they like to do that because it conserves their energy. This one was a ham and decided to act up for us. Believe it or not there are actually 5 dolphins in that wake.  This was just too cute for me to pass up. While we were looking for the dolphins a smaller boat showed up with two small size dogs. This woman had taken her dogs out and it appears that she is teaching them to hunt for the dolphins. They would spot a dolphin or a few of them and just bark their heads off until she turned the boat in the right direction. We kept waiting for one of them to jump in after them, but I guess they knew better. They are little hard to see but both of them are on the bow of the boat just poised exactly right. If you download the picture you can see them better.  But here is what it was all about. I took several sunset pics but these are my favorite. Who can't relax, sitting on a white beach with crystal clear water, or a balcony patio and watch the colors that the sun casts across the sky when it's going down?    I have more but these are my favorites so far.
But what is a cruise or a trip without making new friends. Meet Amy and Gary from Pittsburg Pennsylvania. We met on a trip to Mexico and we hit it off at the beginning and finished out our whole trip doing things together. We even talked about meeting up in South Padre again the same time next year.  Well, I was relaxed while I was there. Now I'm just exhausted. LOL! But until next year, maybe our new friends and us will meet again!
Ah heck, I can't leave without posting a pic of hubby. Usually he shy's away from cameras but he kept letting Amy take pics so I snuck a few of my own. He will kill me, but hey it's worth it. [I think!]   Thanks darling, for a beutiful trip! Oh, and let's not forget what I promised to buy him for his next birthday for enduring my touristing mode.  Think I can raise the money in a year??? I wish!  Hi Everyone!!!! Well, I'm gonna try to be back. But like my tag line says, I'm back with a vengenace! I recently had an adventure that I would like your take on. Let's see if I am so totally abnormal that I should hide or maybe just repent. I have a coworker that just really out does herself to spite me every chance she gets. Without going into great detail, let me just give you a quick setup. She works the shift before me. What she does or doesn't do greatly effects what I have to do in order to handle my responsibilities on my shift. For the last few months this woman [ I refrain from calling her a lady because she isn't] has deliberately done things to make my job as hard as she can. I had kept my mouth shut about it for a long time, but finally decided that she had enough fun and that I was going to push her buttons as much as she does mine. A couple of days ago, I had a situation with her that I just couldn't let pass without comment. She had seemed to really have outdone herself. So before she walked out the door I decided to thank her. My exact words were, "I would personally like to thank you for being a bitch today." Naturally she replied, "You're one every day." I said, "Thanks! It's nice to know that I can still keep up with the Jones'." The next day I had a voice mail for me to come to work 30 minutes early. I was waiting for this. You see, my work area has about 40 cameras and 3 microphones. I know this. And because of this I planned carefully what I said, in the hopes that someone would request to view the tapes and see exactly what happened and why. My boss seems to think this other woman can do no wrong if you know what I mean. I expected this woman to cause some stink about what I said. I have tried to discuss my interactions with this woman to my boss, whom doesn't want to deal with it. But now since someone goes and tattle tails, she has too deal with it. Anyway, I get to work and find that I got wrote up for calling this woman a profane name. We argued about it for about 5 minutes. I said I didn't call her a bitch and she said that I did. I quoted what I said verbatim and my boss says it's the same thing. Now it's your turn to decide. Did I call her a bitch? I don't think so. I didn't say, "So and so, you're a bitch!" I was referring to her behavior not her character even though most days they are one and the same. So tell me, do I repent? I think not!! 
Once there was a nation, proud and unified
It's heart and spirit real, built with values more than steel
But slowly spoiled with riches, and caring less in time
The simple ways and strong beliefs were often cast aside
For many years, this mighty nation did just as it pleased
And then one day, "9-11", knocked it to it's knees
We need to be the RE-United States
The home and precious land that heroes still defend
Here are the choices, build it back, or let it fall
It's time to answer Freedom's wake-up call
So tell me what's the problem to say a prayer in schools?
No matter what the faith, a silent moment we should take
There are many who would disagree, but doesn't it seem odd
Our problems seemed to start Without "One Nation Under God"
Must there be a tragedy for flags to fly again?
Our Forces serve us everyday, even when the conflicts end.
We need to be the RE-United States
The home and precious land that heroes still defend
Here are the choices, build it back, or let it fall
It's time we answered Freedom's wake-up call. © 2001, Maria Rose/Mada Publishing |
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