I wanted to take a few minutes to tell you all how touched I am for the Birthday wishes and Anniversary congrats I received. They mean a lot to me, probably more than I can express.

When I was younger, much I might add, my generation didn't trust anyone over 30. Do some of you rememerber that? I know some of you are my age but a lot of you are younger so maybe you can't understand. But I had decided years ago, in my childish little brain, that I wouldn't live to be 30.

When I was 27 I almost made that happen. For years after that I didn't care. If you saw my entry "In Loving Memory" you may can patially understand. So for years I really just didn't care anymore. April 12th was just another day that I had to get through.

Then things in my life changed for the better, or at least I think so. I found someone that loved me because I was "just" me and has stood beside me for 20 years. He never condemned, never judged, and never concerned himself with the past, just the present and the future. He knew he couldn't change things that had happened but he tried to make the future a happier time for me.

Since then, I have cherished every year until this one. For some stupid reason I can't explain or comprehend I have dreaded this birthday probably more than any in the past but I finally realized today there was no point in it. There was nothing to fear and nothing to dread. I didn't and still don't feel any older one way or another and all I was doing was wasting energy that could have been channeled in other directions for the better.

So I just kicked back and enjoyed the day with my husband. We had a fabulous dinner out with my two most favorite foods and just enjoyed each others company. There were a lot of times that we didn't speak but we both knew that we loved each other and that we would always be there for the other one though thick and thin. We have been together for 20 years after all. It we don't know each other by now, we probably never will. They all haven't been easy, but then they never are in marriages or any relationships are they? In fact that can be said about life in general. Marriage, like life, has to be worked at everyday. I am so lucky to have someone that cared enough to see past my rough exterior and love me anyway. And to be willing to just stand in the wings waiting until I realized I was worth something to someone else that cared deeply, even though he won't admit it openly. My early life hasn't been easy, but I love where I am in my life at this moment and wouldn't change thing from 1986 until now.

So please accept my heartfelt thanks to all of you that wished me well. Without those wishes, today could have been a disaster. Instead it was one of the greatest I can remember in a long, long time. I had the chance to reflect on where I was then and where I am now and everything that has happened in between. And most of all to be thankful that it wasn't in me to give up entirely.